Friday, December 19, 2008


Last week my progesterone increased to a 21 and hence my RE stopped the PIO shots and he also decided that I am ready to move on to my OB. I managed to convince him for one last ultrasound and today we saw a beautiful healthy baby inside me. The minute I saw the screen I was sure I was seeing an already stored image or something. Both me and my husband weren't sure that it was the image of TicTac because it has grown so much in the past 2 weeks. It kept moving the whole time and so it was very difficult for the tech to get the heart rate. After sometime she was able to measure it at 160beats/min. It kept moving its hands and legs the whole time. Both me and my husband were so much in awe and kept looking at the screen and so I never asked for the CRL measurement or my cervical length. The baby measured at 12w and so I guess it was all good. She also said that the placenta and the umbilical cord looked good. Again we have it all on video which means I will be keep watching it again and again. It was too early to find out the gender but both me and my husband feel its a boy. We will know for sure in another 8 weeks. Next Tuesday is my first OB appointment and I still don't have a clue what to ask them. I will try and make up a list of questions over the weekend.

Pregnancy wise the symptoms are still the same. Nausea in the morning and evening and ankle swelling in the evenings. I am hoping that the nausea will resolve in the next couple of weeks. I am so thankful to be here and I am sure I wouldn't be here without the support of you guys. Since I will be 12 weeks on Sunday we have decided to tell the news to our friends then. I will be real busy the next 2 weeks with the holidays and work. We are having a Christmas party at home for about 12 people and so planning and cooking for it is going to take a lot of my time. I will try and update after my OB visit on Tuesday.

Friday, December 5, 2008


Sorry that I have been missing lately. My pregnancy symptoms started at 6weeks and are at its peak now. I am tired all the time. The nausea keeps hitting at different times of the day and almost all evenings and nights. Since I work full time by the time I reach home I am very very tired and the nausea is bad so its been very difficult for me to cook. Because of the nausea I am not able to eat out and so my husband has taken charge of the kitchen. He has been doing so much around the house that I am literally being treated like a queen. Even though I feel guilty that he is doing more chores than I am I think soon I will get so used to this.

This week we had another ultrasound at 9w2d. TicTac was measuring 2 days ahead of schedule at 9w4d and everything looked good. The heartbeat was 161beats/min and we were able to record the whole session on video. Even though the baby is still tiny, measuring at 2.7cm (CRL) it kept moving its hands and legs as if it was waving at us. I am so glad we have it all on video as I am getting to watch it everyday. We also met with the doctor who said that I should get an appointment with an OB soon. He thinks that I will need progesterone supplementation for another 2 weeks and then I should be able to stop the PIO shots. My progesterone did increase to 19 this week from 17 last week (it was 14, 2 weeks ago) but they still want it at 20 or above. I have no complaints about the shots as they are pretty painless, I guess excess fat in your butt is useful sometimes.

After lots of consultation we narrowed down on a OB clinic and I called them for an appointment. The earliest is 3 weeks away. The receptionist asked very casually about how many times I've been pregnant before. I so badly wanted to tell her that this is my first and it was so damn hard to get here. She also said that at the first appointment they might not do an ultrasound unless its really necessary and she said that I would have monthly appointments after that. From being seen so many times in a week in a fertility clinic and getting an ultrasound every two weeks its a little difficult to go to a regular doctor and be one of their regular patients. I am not sure if I can rest at peace without an ultrasound for a long time. 2 of my very good friends had miscarriages at 10weeks and 16weeks and they did not have any symptoms at all. They went for a regular ultrasound and there was no heartbeat at all so this is one of the reasons why I need regular reassurances. I have read online about Doppler heart rate measuring instruments and am planning to ask my doctor if it is safe to use one. The OB clinic has 5 doctors and their policy is you get to see different doctors at each of your appointments. They do not assign a specific doctor for you. I am not sure if this is normal as I am used to a one doctor system for all these years.

For now I get to continue the twice a week PIO shots and get weekly blood tests. My first OB appointment is 12/23 and then I will have a better idea regarding whats in store for me. I will be 12 weeks at my first appointment.

Apart from the usual symptoms for the past 2 days I have noticed swelling in my ankles in the evenings. No pain or tingling associated with it and no swelling elsewhere so my doc thinks that I should increase my fluid intake and keep my feet raised as much as possible. I hope its not a big deal and it resolves soon. Hoping all is well with everyone.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Yesterday was the most happiest day of our lives. We got to see and hear the baby's heartbeat. It was so so cool. The baby measured 1.4cm (CRL) and we were amazed that it already had a beating heart. The heartbeat was at 148beats per minute and the doctor told us that it was great. The ultrasound tech was very nice and patient with us, even though she was running late and we were the last couple of the day. She took the time to show us the arm and leg buds and the spine of the baby. She also made sure the corpus luteum looked good and my cervix was closed. Based on the baby's length it was 7w2d and based on that my due date is July4, 2009. Then we met with the doctor who took so much time to explain everything to us. He assured us that occasional spotting is quite common with 40% of the pregnancies and my chance of a miscarriage at this stage is less than 5%. I get to continue my twice a week progesterone shots and go back for an ultrasound in 2 weeks. Yay, now I can rest in peace till Dec 2. Also my husband has named the baby TicTac as he had read online last week that it would be the size of a TicTac at 6 weeks. He also surprised me this morning with 2 DVD's for prenatal and postnatal yoga. Tracey Mallett's 3 in 1 Pregnancy System and Yoga Journal & Lamaze present by Kristen Eykel. I still haven't seen the DVD's yet and am so excited to go home and try them. Thank you all for your lovely comments as it really helped me stay calm to know that so many people out there are thinking and praying for me.

Monday, November 17, 2008


The spotting was just a one time thing on Friday and I have been fine since then. Nausea and tiredness are there on and off. I am still micro analyzing every symptom or the lack of one and am anxious about my ultrasound tomorrow. I hope there is a heartbeat and a healthy embryo in there.

Friday, November 14, 2008


I woke up this morning to some bright red spotting on my toilet paper and I have been having brown spotting ever since. I had some severe cramps yesterday but only mild cramps today. I went to my clinic for mu progesterone shot and the nurse thinks that I should wait till my Tuesday ultrasound. If the bleeding or the cramping gets worse then I go to the ER. She has also asked me to drink lots of fluids and to stay off my feet as much as possible. I am hoping that this is nothing terrible and that it will stop soon. Please please please pray for me.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


The cold and congestion that started last week got really worse over the weekend and hence I was not able to update my blog.

Also last Thursday I had some brown discharge and cramps. If I was a normal pregnant person I wouldn't have noticed the discharge in the first place. Since I come from an IF background I analyse my tp a lot and hence noticed it. I started panicking and called my clinic and they assured me that it was totally OK to have some discharge and cramping. Again I was not convinced and when I went to the clinic on Friday for the shot, I asked if I could get an ultrasound along with the blood test. In the ultrasound we saw the gestational sac and yolk sac both looking healthy and good. There was no heartbeat but I guess it was too early for it anyway. The sacs measured at 5w2d whereas based on my trigger I was at 5w4d and the tech assured me that it was totally OK. The HCG value from Friday was 13064 which was really good and the progesterone had gone up to 17 from 14 so I guess that was a good sign too.

The cold got worse after I got back home on Friday and finally I had to take Sudafed. I was having a lot of congestion and was not able to eat or sleep. My doc told me that Sudafed was safe during pregnancy and so I took 1 on Saturday and Sunday. I honestly tried really hard to tough it out without any medication but I was so sick and tired that I had to take it. By Monday it was still worse and we had to go to urgent care and there they told me that if the condition continues for another couple of days then I would have to start antibiotics. Thankfully I am feeling much better today and so no antibiotics for me. Next week Tuesday we have the big ultrasound to look for the heartbeat and I am having my fingers crossed till then.

My husband has been more than helpful these past few days. He worked from home to stay with me and made sure I ate something while I was sick. He would make me breakfast, tea, soup and also kept telling me that it was ok to take the medication. I was feeling very guilty and he kept assuring me that it was ok and it made a huge difference to me. He is such a blessing and I am so glad I have him in my life. On a funny note, when we were at the ultrasound last week the tech looked at my husband and said "DAD come stand by the head so that you can also see the screen". For a minute my husband was so lost and wasnt sure if she was talking to him. Then he realised that he was the DAD and it was so funny to see him then. I already know that he is going to be a great DAD.

Even though I had occasional mild nausea for the last 2 weeks, it really kicked in yesterday. I was not able to finish my dinner and now I cannot think about food. Just thinking about it makes me nauseous. In a way I am happy because it tells me that something is really happening inside me. Hope everything is fine with everyone. I have a lot of blogs to read and get updated.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Beta and Progesterone update

My beta more than doubled since last week from 520 to 7034 whereas my progesterone has gone down from 15 to 14. My doc has decided to increase my weekly progesterone shots to two times a week. I am trying not to panic but still am a little concerned. So far I do not have any spotting or bleeding so I guess that is a good sign. Can someone please share with me their low progesterone experiences? I am mainly concerned if twice a week is enough or do I need the shots more often.


I am down with a nasty cold, sore throat and congestion. Also I got my progesterone shot this morning so I am even more tired and drained because of both. This morning during the blood draw as usual my vein did not co-operate. I have trouble during blood draws so they use the same vein every time and this morning that did not work. The nurse thinks that I might have developed some scar tissue because of being poked so many times at the same place. Finally she was able to get some blood from a different vein. I also convinced them to do a repeat HCG just for my sanity. I will be getting both the HCG and progesterone results this evening. I am trying to finish some work and go home early so that I can rest.

Monday, November 3, 2008


So far other than occasional cramping and migraines I do not have any symptoms. While it would be good news for most pregnant people for me it is making me quite nervous. I would love to have some symptoms once in a while telling me that something is going on down there else I start thinking about miscarriages. I even told my nurse about this and she said that worrying is very normal and is going to last forever. She explained that we would be worrying about miscarriages, then proper growth, then premature birth, then the baby's walking, talking, school, drugs, sex, marriage, grand kids and so on.

I haven't had any spotting so far so I guess that's good news. Currently my clinic is giving me progesterone shots once a week. I have read that others take suppositories everyday and sometimes more than once a day. Is it normal to get the shots just once a week? Will it be enough to support me for the whole week.

My husband has been treating me like a queen. I remember him once telling me that my parents have spoilt me by treating me like a queen and now he does the exact same thing. He refuses to let me do anything in the house and I have to fight with him to even go get a glass of water. I don't know if I deserve such a wonderful husband and I so badly want this baby to stay, more for his sake than mine. If something happens I would feel like a failure for having let him down. I know I am supposed to be thinking positive thoughts but once in a while I worry about these things too. Again I am going to blame IF for this.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Cycle 5 - 4w2d

My beta went from 211 on Monday to 520 today. So it more than doubled with a doubling time of 36hrs. My progesterone decreased from 19 to 15. I got my progesterone shot this morning and I am hoping that it would help me with the progesterone problem. Today I have been extremely tired and sleepy because of the shot. I am at work and all I want to do is go home and crash. My doctor does not want any more HCG tests so I only have my weekly progesterone shots and blood tests. My big ultrasound is scheduled for November 18.

I wanted to thank all of you for your wonderful wishes. We have told our parents but have decided not to tell our friends till the US so your wishes meant a lot to us.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Cycle 5 - Beta Results

HCG - 211
Progesterone - 19

They wanted to see HCG atleast at 50 or above and progesterone 20 or above. My HCG levels are good for a singleton (since I had only one follicle) but the progesterone is borderline low. I get to go back on Wednesday for a repeat blood test and I start getting weekly progesterone shots from then. I am hoping I will see a good number on Wednesday and then I can rest at peace.

Cycle 5 - CD 40 - 16DPO


What does a POAS addict do during the two week wait? Test like a maniac. Ever since I wrote my last post a week ago I started to notice some mild symptoms. My nipples were very sore, I had hot flashes and some cramping. I decided to POAS on Friday evening (13DPO) and immediately saw a positive. Even though I've always thought and imagined different ways to share the news with my husband, the reality was so different. He had gone to collect our mail from the mailbox and when he came back I asked him to come to the restroom and look at the stick. He did see a positive but he was upset that I tested early. I was supposed to wait till 16DPO and so he was doubtful if the positive was real or because of my HCG booster shots. We did not celebrate. He suggested we pray and then we decided not to talk about it. I again tested Saturday evening and it was a positive. By then I was having more cramps and mild nausea. I also threw up once Saturday night. Sunday morning I tested again with a different brand HPT and it was positive. So this morning I tested with a digital and was really ecstatic to see PREGNANT appear on it. I went to my clinic for the blood test and am waiting for the results.

I know its really really early and it could go either way. One minute I am happy and the other I am so doubtful. I guess IF does change a person and nothing can be done to undo that. Please pray for me. I will consider myself pregnant and enjoy the feeling at least till I get the results. I will update as soon as I get the results. Meanwhile I am just pretending to work at my office. I know you guys will understand.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Cycle 5 - CD33 - 9DPO

Tender boobs - NO
Cramps - NO
Nausea - NO
Feeling tired - NO

Pregnant - Most likely not

I finished the third dose of my HCG booster shot yesterday. My 8dpo progesterone level was at 16 this month. Its not bad and not great either so I still have to wait till the weekend.

Tomorrow is my Birthday. Yesterday both me and my husband went shopping and he bought me a ton of clothes and a beautiful Sapphire ring. We both love blue and that is the only color gem stone that I don't have. I have decided that I am not letting IF drag me down. So tonight both me and husband will bake my birthday cake and we are having some friends over. Tomorrow night we are going out for dinner. Please do keep me in your prayers.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Cycle 5 - CD26 - 2DPO

My first IUI experience was not painful at all. The nurse had some problem finding my cervix and was digging for a while and that was a little painful but after that things happened smoothly and fast. My husband's sperm count was more than excellent. Post wash count was 117million. The nurses were all smiling after looking at his numbers. I did not care to ask the pre wash number. We were also advised to do the deed at home over the weekend. So I am officially in the 2 week wait now. I have to give myself the HCG booster shots on 10/13, 10/16 and 10/19. My progesterone test is on 10/18 and 10/21 and HPT on 10/27.

Since we did an IUI this cycle from now on my insurance does not cover anything. Every ultrasound will cost me 150$ and the blood tests range from 60-90$. The IUI cost me 500$. I guess from now on I will have to watch how many tests and ultrasound we have to do. I know its not much but with my really long follicular phase I end up getting about 10 ultrasounds and estrogen blood tests every cycle. So along with the medication cost, IUI and progesterone tests it comes to about 4k-5k per month for an injectable cycle. I might consider one more of that and then we are planning to take a break. I hope this cycle works and I don't have to worry about the next one but I have already asked my clinic for a plan for the next cycle.

Thanks for all you fellow bloggers for letting me know about the Follistim. I am going to try and fight it out with my clinic. Lets hope I win and get the donated medication for the next cycle.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Cycle 5 - CD23 - Only one follicle

I guess the title says it all. After 30 Menopur injections and 3 Ganirelix shots my body can only produce one follicle. Today at my ultrasound I had one big follicle at 19.2mm on the left ovary and 3, 9mm ones. On the right there was one 9mm. They had me trigger this morning and IUI is set for tomorrow AM. Even though the nurse kept assuring me that one follicle is all that takes I am still not convinced. So far my body has produced only one follicle each cycle with oral medication so when they spoke to me about multiples and selective reduction with the injectable cycle I was really hoping for 2 or 3 good ones. My estrogen was only up to 138 on CD 21 and I don't think I was anywhere near over stimulation. I am beginning to think that my doctor is over cautious and needs to be a little more aggressive. I am not sure if I have to go for an IUI this cycle but my nurse thinks I should, I guess it wont hurt. She suggested 2 IUI's but I opted for just one. I don't know if doing the IUI 24hrs after trigger is a good idea. My insurance does not cover any of this so the total cost so far is 2K and I guess it will cost another 600$ for IUI and progesterone tests. I am not too hopeful about this cycle and have already asked for a plan for the next cycle.

My clinic has a bunch of donated Follitism but they keep convincing me that it wont work for PCOS patients. I wish they let me use it for one cycle so that I can start saving for IVF (if I have to). I have seen online that a lot of PCOS patients have ovulated with Follitism. Can someone please tell me their experience if they have PCOS and have used Follitism before.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Cycle 5 - CD19 - Follicle update

I was busy with some training at work and was not able to update my blog. The results of last weeks ultrasound and blood work are below.

Rt Ovary- 6mm, 7mm, 9mm, 8mm, 7mm
Lt Ovary- 10mm, 8mm, 8.5mm
Lining- 9.5mm
Estrogen- 109

Rt Ovary- 10mm, 7mm, 7mm
Lt Ovary- 10mm, 10mm, 10mm, 10.5mm, 11mm
Lining- 10mm
Estrogen- 114

Rt Ovary- 9mm, 8mm, 8mm
Lt Ovary- 14mm, 11mm, 11mm, 10mm, 9mm, 8mm
Lining- 10mm
Estrogen- ?

I am still waiting to get my estrogen level. I am still on the 2 menopur (150IU) shots a day and based on my estrogen level I might have to start the Ganirelix. The nurse thinks that I might have 3 or maybe 4 mature follicles and might be ready for trigger by Thursday. The only side effects of Menopur that I have is that I am getting tired a lot. I guess it is not one of the worst side effects and since I don't get crazy migraines I will be content with this. Last Thursday I was really low after my ultrasound. I guess it showed on my face and everyone at the clinic were super nice to me. They all hugged me and said that it will be OK and the nurse who drew my blood let me watch some sperm under the microscope. It was really fun to watch them move crazily and it cheered me up. She also showed me how they wash the sperm for insemination and how they count it. Weekend I kept myself busy quilting.

Today my nurse was very excited about my progress but I am still doubtful. It is already CD19 and most likely I will be ovulating around CD23. I also keep thinking that the 11mm ones will stop growing and only the 14mm one would grow. That would suck because I really want more than one follicle after all these injections. I guess I will have to wait till Wednesday to know what my body has in mind.

Estrogen was at 123 so I take 2 vials of Menopur today and 2 vials of Menopur tommorrow along with ganirelix and go back on Wednesday for an ultrasound. This morning the nurse told me that she was sure that my estrogen would be atleast 300. I am kinda feeling low again. I hope the follicles keep growing.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Cycle 5 - CD12 - Follicle not growing

It has been a really frustrating day so far. Last night both me and my husband had a big fight. It was a very simple issue but it kinda got out of hand. It was time for my injections and usually DH gives me my shots every evening. I filled up the syringe and then I told him to close the blinds and he said that it was not necessary as it was quite bright outside. I still felt bad and I told him that I want the blinds closed. I guess I said it quite harshly and he got so mad. He said that I have been yelling at him for everything lately. I lost it too and I said that I would do the injection myself. I took it from him, went to my bedroom and gave myself the injection and then started crying. I guess it was not about the fight but was mainly about the fact that I have to go through so much everyday. IF does take its toll and maybe both me and my DH are stressed and are taking it out on each other.
I wish he was a little more understanding. I usually do well with the injections and it doesn't hurt much so he thinks that these injections are no big deal. It is a huge deal to me. Last week when I told him that I will have to do ganirelix injections along with menopur so that would be two shots a day he shrugged it off saying it would hardly hurt. Little does he know that it hurts maybe little physically but a lot emotionally.
This morning I went to my ultrasound with a heavy heart and my ultrasound was pretty disappointing. I have one follicle at 8mm on the left ovary and 2 at 8 and 7 at the right ovary. I have been on the injections for 8days now and no significant growth yet. In fact the right one measured at 9mm, 3 days ago. The nurse who spoke to me after the ultrasound was surprised that they did not have me double the dose on Friday because my estrogen was only at 40. The only good news was that my lining looked good and measure at 7.2mm. I cried the whole way back to work (30min) and am still pretty depressed.
Anyway my estrogen level for today was at 57 and so they have decided to double my dosage. I will be doing 150IU of Menopur for 3 days and go back for an ultrasound on Thursday. The medications have cost me 1100$ so far and if I go the IUI way then that's another 600$. I wish this cycle eventually works out but honestly I am so low now that I don't have any hope at all.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Cycle 5 - CD9

My first ultrasound of this cycle was this morning. I have been on the lowest dose of Menopur (75IU) for 5 days and today my follicle measurement was a 9mm and 7.4mm on the right and a 6.5mm on the left. The ultrasound tech also mentioned that my lining looked really good compared to all my previous scans. I forgot to ask her the measurement. So now I will have to wait for my nurse to call me with the estrogen values based on which she would tell me to either stay on the same dosage or increase it. Once my follicles reach a certain size I will start taking ganirelix along with menopur for the last few days. This is to prevent premature release with my own LH surge (not that I have surged on my own in the past). I guess they want to go the HCG trigger way so that they can time me for the IUI.

I am slowly beginning to agree with my husband about taking a break. With all these medications I feel sick (migraine, nausea) most of the time and I am always tired. I am beginning to forget how I was before all this started. Based on how this cycle goes I will be seriously considering taking a break.

Ever since I started my quilting class I have been pretty addicted. I will be finishing my first lap quilt this weekend. I got a pattern from the Internet and started this even before I started my class. I have already bought material for 2 king size quilts and one baby quilt. My neighbours 18month old daughter is diagnosed with cancer in her stomach and she is undergoing chemo to reduce the tumour size. Once its reduced they will be surgically removing it from her tummy. Both me and my husband feel so much for this little girl so I thought I will make her a baby quilt with animals and flowers. Lets hope I finish it before her surgery.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Cycle 5 - CD5 - Menopur

After my last Thursday post I started bleeding heavily so it was considered my Cycle 5 CD1. I went to the clinic on Saturday for my baseline ultrasound and blood work. Everything looked normal in the ultrasound and I am still waiting for the blood results. The plan for this cycle is to be on Menopur 75IU injectables and try to slowly grow my follicles. The doctor is really worried about overstimming me because of my PCOS but with my really pathetic response to clomid and femara I am thinking that it wouldn't happen.

My clinic had some donated medication and so I got about 7 days worth of free medication. I am going back on Friday (5 days after stimming) for an ultrasound and blood test. Based on the results my dosage will be adjusted and I will have to buy the additional medication. I would love to hear from people who have used Menopur in the past regarding cost of medication and side-effects.

Last thursday I was telling my husband that maybe after this injectable cycle we might have to move on to IVF. He was shocked at the idea and said that we are moving too fast and we need to slow down. We got into an argument and I guess since it was my CD1 I was very vulnerable and burst into tears. He was trying to justify that since IVF is the last option we need to keep it for the very end. His concern is what if that doesn't work then we have no other option left. My justification was since we are young (both of us are 29) we have a very good chance at IVF (producing eggs is our only problem so far). And its not like we jumped into IVF right away. We did try clomid and femara and my response was not so good. This cycle we are trying injectables and maybe if I respond good I might even consider another round of injectables but if I develop too many eggs or too less eggs then IVF is our best bet and I do not want to delay it. Finally he said that he understands my point of view but we need to set a deadline and take a break as my body needs rest. I had to take 15 imitrex tablets during my last cycle for my migraines and the recommended dose is 5-6 per month. Without the fertility medication and migraine medication I am already taking 14pills every day out of which 11 are to help me get pregnant and 3 are for my heartburn. I guess he is right. My body is going to break down soon if I do not give it some rest. We will be making a decision based on my response this cycle. If we do go on a break then it would mean that I will not ovulate on my own so I will need either birth control pills or progesterone to shed my lining. Hope this cycle will work and I do not have to worry about my next cycle.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Cycle 4 - CD34 - 15DPO

Last evening as usual I was down with a bad migraine and was lying down in a dark room. My husband comes in lies next to me, hugs me and says "I don't want you to suffer so much. I don't want kids". I wanted to burst into tears and tell him that because he cares so much and he is so loving it gives me all the more reason to want to have his kid. I don't know what I would do without him in my life. I have read in many blogs that slowly IF begins to take a toll in a relationship. Thankfully so far it has just made us closer and stronger. I hope it stays this way forever.

Today morning I had a mild brown discharge which usually happens to me before AF. I am thinking that it should start tomorrow or day after. I will be moving on to injectables now.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Cycle 4 - CD33 - 14DPO - BFN

Sorry I have been missing lately because I have been having terrible migraines. I have a headache almost everyday. The first half of the cycle I get migraines because of the fertility meds (either clomid or femara) and the second half I get migraines because of the low progesterone levels. This month my progesterone level was at 15 and was much better than the last 2 cycles (5 and 2). The doctors office told me that 15 was on the low end of their accepted levels but still a good number considering my history. So that was enough reason for me to be extra hopeful. My nurse had asked me to test on Friday at 16DPO because of the HCG booster shots that I got during my LP. Like always I gave in to temptation and POAS today and it was a BFN. I also feel like I am going to start AF anytime now.

It would be a lie to say that I am not disappointed. The thing that hurts the most is my husband who never talks about pregnancy during the 2ww kept telling me that this cycle it would work. I feel sad that I failed him one more time. It really hurts to crush his hope down. I am going to keep myself really busy and wait to start the next cycle soon.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Cycle 4 - CD24 - 5DPO

My husband gave me the first HCG booster shot last Friday. I get my second one today. I get headaches and mild nausea after the shots and it lasts for about 2 days. The only good thing about these shots is that it does not hurt. I hardly feel the prick so I don't mind getting these shots.

Symptom wise I have none. That does not mean I not hopeful about this cycle. It just means I am crazy and will continue to hope till I get a negative blood test or AF. I have about 10 more days before either of this happens. Last night my husband told me that one of his friend's wife is pregnant. We know the couple pretty well and we have hanged out with them a lot. The thing that got to me is that they had their first kid just this January. Can you believe it. She gives birth and 4 months later she is pregnant again. I am happy for her but sad and hurt at the same time. God is so unfair at times. Another thing I noticed is pregnancy news in the first half of my cycle does not affect me as much as the ones in the second half of the cycle. First half I am full of optimism and positive thoughts whereas second half I am doubtful and hopeful at the same time (read already crazy). I don't think I can go visit them or talk to her till I start my next cycle.

I have been feeling really down and depressed since this morning. It could be because of a lot of things but IF is the only thing on my mind. Weekends I keep myself busy with all the stitching needed for my quilting class and since I am doing that like a maniac I finish it pretty fast. So I went and bought some fabric for table cloth, place mats and napkins. I am planning to start this project soon. I wish next week was here already.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Cycle 4 - CD20 - 1DPO

Like always I did not ovulate on my own. So Tuesday morning I went for an ultrasound and the right dominant follicle was measuring at 26mm and the remaining were all small. The lining was measuring at 10.8mm. Before I could feel happy about my follicle update the nurse came in to tell me that they were out of HCG trigger shots. She tried calling a couple of places but no luck. Finally she wanted me to go to their main office which is about 50miles away. She called to let them know that I am on my way as they were holding on to the one single trigger shot that they had left. I would have gone crazy if they didn't have any left for me.

Eventually I went there and got my trigger shot at 2 in the afternoon. The nurse told me that I will be ovulating sometime during Wednesday night. She advised me to have sex Wednesday night, Thursday morning and night. We had sex last night but were not able to this morning. It was really weird to get up early and do it before work. We tried but couldn't. We will be doing it tonight and I hope that it would make up for this morning mishap. Either way I am officially 1dpo and I get to start my HCG booster shots from tomorrow for low progesterone. I need to get 3 HCG booster shots on 08/05, 08/08 and 08/11. I go back to the clinic on Sep10 for my progesterone check.

I hope that everything works out fine this cycle and it gives me the BFP that I've been wanting for a long time. Wish me luck.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Cycle 4 - CD14 - Follicle update

After my ultrasound on Wednesday my nurse gave me instructions to be on the Femara for 3 more days (till Saturday) and to come for an ultrasound on Friday just to make sure things are progressing correctly. In today's ultrasound we were all happy to see a follicle at 15mm on the right ovary. The remaining one on right and 3 on left are all in the 8-9mm range. So I get to stop Femara today which is one day early. I am glad cause I have been having a migraine everyday for the past 10 days. Now I start peeing on the OPK's from Sunday and if I do not see a surge then I go back for an ultrasound on Tuesday and possible trigger shot. Since I have never surged on my own in the past, I am thinking that I will be most likely needing the trigger shot. Again since I have just one follicle I am not going for an IUI this cycle.

I am happy that the femara has worked a little better for me than clomid. I think injectables are better because ovulating on day 19 is still late and having just one follicle after 12days of fertility medication is also not so promising.

In another news, I went to meet a pregnant friend at the hospital yesterday. I have known the couple only for a few months and this is their second pregnancy but they are a really sweet couple and her water broke 2 days ago. It was only 35weeks for her so she was hospitalized and they were hoping that she would be able to keep in the baby for at least till 36weeks. Both me and my husband went to wish them well and offer any help that they needed. This morning we got a call that she went into labor early this morning and had a healthy baby boy. I am going to visit her again this afternoon and have already volunteered to make dinner for them for tomorrow. While coming back from this morning's ultrasound I had some time to think and was wondering what was different in this friend's pregnancy that it is not hurting me as usual. Maybe it is because I am not too close to her or maybe because I am crazily busy at work and do not have time to sit and worry or crib or maybe because I am in the middle of this cycle and thinking positive thoughts already. Either way I was happy that I am not feeling negative about this. I am not sure though, if I would feel the same way after seeing the baby this evening. I really wish well for the couple and the kids but it might hurt me a teeny tiny bit. I hope God forgives me for this.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Cycle 4 - CD12 - Femara

I have been taking 2 of the 2.5mg tablets of femara starting from CD3. I have the same side effects as clomid (hot flashes, insomnia and migraines) but it only lasts for half a day. Femara also causes yeast infections. The cost of Femara is much higher than clomid. It is not as expensive as injectables but it cost me 165$ for 14 tablets (2.5mg each) whereas the clomid cost me 30$ for 21 tablets (50mg each).

Today in my ultrasound there was one dominant 11mm follicle on the right ovary and 2 smaller 9mm follicles. On the left there was just one 9mm follicle. If you look at my previous cycle my follicles reached the 11mm size only on CD18. So I guess femara is a little better than clomid for me, but I am still not happy with the idea of taking femara for a long time and having a delayed ovulation. My lining was at 6.1mm and the nurse assured me that it was fine. The nurse wanted to consult with the doc before deciding on how many more days I continue the femara. Most likely she said that it would be either 2 or 3 more days. I would be ovulating mid to end of next week (around CD19-21). I think this is better than last cycle where I ovulated on CD30.

Work is very very busy and so I have not read most of your blogs in the past couple of days. Will try to finish reading by the weekend. In another news I am planning on joining a quilting class that starts this Friday. This is just to keep me busy and distracted from the IF world. I have never used a sewing machine before so after lots of consultation with my friends I bought a Janome 8077 sewing machine from Hancock fabrics over the weekend. Currently I am practising to sew in straight lines. Will keep you guys updated regarding my sewing expeditions too.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Cycle 4 - CD3

Finally I have moved on to the next cycle. AF arrived on Saturday making the previous cycle almost 60days long. I went in for my day 3 baseline ultrasound and blood tests. Everything looked normal at the ultrasound. I have 12 follicles on the right ovary and 24 on the left. With PCOS I guess having so many follicles is normal. I get my blood test results tomorrow and if everything is normal then I start Femara on Wednesday.

I get to take 2 of the 2.5mg tablets during CD5 - CD11 and go back for ultrasound on CD12. Only the ultrasound will decide if I have to continue taking the tablets. I think 5mg is the maximum dosage available so if I don't respond to this then we move on to injectables.

I also need to get an endoscopic sinus surgery done. Lately my sinus problems have gotten worse and the doctor I saw 2 weeks ago strongly recommended surgery. He said that it would be an 1 hr outpatient procedure and I would be asleep for it. He said recovery is about one weeks time and I can get back to work after that. Me and my husband are thinking that this week would be a good time to get it done. I have a few concerns though.
1. Will Femara affect my surgery?
2. If I ended up ovulating next week on time (CD14- Aug29) then I will not be able to take painkillers for a week after the surgery. (Honestly I don't think that I will ovulate that early)
3. Will my body not respond to Femara because it would be in trauma?

I so badly want to get the surgery out of the way as I need it badly and I cannot get it done if I get pregnant. Even though I am terrified about this procedure and pain, I am more worried about how it will affect my cycle. It is very frustrating that every aspect of our lives are revolving around IF and even making simple decisions get so complicated. I am waiting to hear back from my sinus doctor to see if they can squeeze me in this week.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD54 - Waiting to move on

Sorry I have been MIA for a while. Work has been very hectic and there was nothing significant happening in the IF area so I did not have much to update. I am still on this stupid cycle as I haven't got AF yet. A week ago I went for a blood pregnancy test and then started progesterone to bring on AF. So I am on the progesterone till Sunday and should get AF by Tuesday-Wednesday and finally move on to the next cycle.

This week we met my RE to go over my treatment and the plan for the future. I have to say that he is the most patient doctor ever, who writes down almost everything he says and gives me a copy so that I don't have to come home and try to remember medical names and stuff. He said that I have 4 options for the next cycle and I am going to list those based on his preference.

1. Extended Femara Cycle - Femara is similar to clomid but works a little differently. So I would take Femara on cd5-cd11 and then based on ultrasound take it for more days if needed. He also promised that we would not wait forever in this cycle and if there is no significant growth by day 20 we will move on to the next cycle. I do not want to have another 60day cycle.

2. IVF - Yeah you read that right. His second preference was IVF as he feels that I will be producing multiple follicles in an injectable cycle and it might get risky. Also my insurance does not cover IF treatment so an injectable cycle would cost me about 2000$-3000$ (including medication, blood tests and ultrasounds). He said that an IVF cycle would cost me anywhere between 15K - 17K and because of my age I will have atleast a 75%-90% chance in the first try.

3. Injectables - Their clinic uses gonadatropins and he said that I would start at the lowest dose possible and be monitored very carefully. Also he spoke to us about multiples and the risks involved. He said that if there were more than 3 follicles then we might have to do either follicle reduction or fetal reduction else cancel the cycle.

4. Extended clomid cycle - Continue the same clomid cycle and tweak it further to help me better. I was totally against this option though.

So finally we decided that we are going to try Femara for the next cycle (honestly I think it is just a waste of time) and then one to two injectable cycles and then IVF. I am also planning to get an endoscopic sinus surgery done between Cycle 4 & 5, if I am not pregnant at that time. Again I am not so hopeful about this cycle now but that might change over the course of Cycle 4. I will be reading all your blogs over the next few days. Hope all is well with everyone.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD44 - 14dpo - BFN

I tested this morning just for the heck of it and got a BFN. I was not too disappointed because there was a next to zero chance of me being pregnant with a progesterone value of 1. The only frustrating this is last cycle I got AF, 13 dpo and this cycle there is no sign of it yet. I so badly want to get AF so that I can start my next cycle and move forward.

The weekend was busy with the dinner and everything. I cooked for most part of Saturday and both me and my husband cleaned the house and were so tired by the time the guests arrived. There were 2 kids and the minute they entered the house one of them asked where the toy room was. I was taken by surprise and did not know how to respond and one of the mom's said "There are no kids in this house so no toy room". None of them know about our IF struggle so I know that the statement was not mean to be hurtful but still it hurt. Sunday when me and my husband were out for a walk in our community we figured that our lot was one of the biggest and I saw so many other kids playing in their yards and I told him "We have a great house and a big yard but no kids to play in them". His reply "Don't worry we will have lots of them soon". That was enough to cheer me up and get me ready for the next cycle. Wish it started soon.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD40 - 10dpo - Update

My nurse just called to say that my progesterone value today was 1 (it was 2, 3 days ago) which means I will be getting my AF anytime now. The nurse said that she needs to talk to my doc and figure out what new meds I will be taking next cycle during the luteal phase to help with my progesterone.
Also I wanted to clarify, that I held back my true feelings from my husband because he was quite hopeful this cycle and I didn't want to cause him more pain. He is really very very sweet and supportive and I usually cry and crib to him when I meet pregnant friends or hear news of pregnancy. But today he is sounding very low and so I am trying to be all cheerful for the both of us. I don't think we both can be depressed at the same time cause then we will come crashing down. I have already planned dinner and movie tonight and tomorrow I have 4 families coming home for dinner. I guess this weekend I will be busy and occupied till AF arrives.

Cycle 3 - CD40 - 10dpo - Feeling Low

This morning I went in for my second progesterone draw and convinced the nurse to look into my file to see what my values were on Wednesday. It was a pathetic 2. Without the HCG booster shots last cycle it was 5 so I don't think the booster shots are helping me. With a value of 2 I have a next to nothing chance of being pregnant so I have to just wait for AF and start my next cycle.
On my way out from the clinic I called my husband to let him know the results. I joked to him saying that I can now drink all the coffee I want and take all the migraine medicines I need. He was very shocked to hear me joke and laugh about it.

Little did he know that all I wanted to do was cry, scream and curse that this cycle is another pathetic failure.
Little did he know that for the past 10 days I've been trying to not talk to him about any of the little symptoms that I have and have been lying to him that I am not hopeful.
Little did he know that every time I told him that I was sure that I wasn't pregnant this cycle, I still had hope and dint want to make a big fool of myself at the end when it turns out to be a BFN.
Little did he know that I so badly wanted this cycle to work as we are moving on to injectables next cycle and from then on nothing is covered by my insurance.
Little did he know that I am feeling so low and sad that I have dis-appointed him one more time and that I want to go home and crawl back into bed instead of being at work right now.

I know I am at the early stages of IF and have a long way ahead and cannot give up this early. I know that I need to be strong for my sake and for my husband's sake. I am going to give myself this weekend to feel depressed and once I get AF I will move on and think positive about the next cycle.

Ps: My husband does not know about this blog so I am safe here to pour out my real feelings.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD37 - 7dpo - Symptom Update

Last Thursday both me and my DH went for the HCG injection class and learnt how to administer the HCG booster shots (sub-cutaneous). He gave me the first shot at the clinic itself and I did not feel a thing. He gave me the second shot at home on Sunday and I felt a slight prick. I was so terrified about the shots but now I am glad that they are making us do the booster shots, instead of PIO as I've read too many painful stories about those. Also I guess the tons of excess fat in my tummy is helping with these shots. Finally a benefit of having a loaded tummy.

Weekend I had friends over and so did not have much time to fret about the 2ww. But now even though I have lots to do at work I am thinking about it the whole time. Symptom wise there is absolutely nothing that I am feeling.

Bleeding or Spotting - NO
Cramping or Twinges - 2 in the past 1 week
Pain - NO
Sore Boobs - NO
Migraine - YES YES and YES

I have been having migraines continuously for the past 3 days. I don't know if the migraines are because of the HCG booster shots or because of the dip in progesterone that my body is going through in preparation for AF. I usually get migraines a few days before AF so I am sure that this cycle is a big bust. This morning I went for my progesterone draw but will not know the results till Friday, when I go back for another progesterone check. In a way having no symptoms is helping me in not having too much hope. I am 90% confident that this cycle did not work but the remaining 10% is pretty hopeful. I still have one more week to do a HPT unless AF shows before that.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD31 - 1DPO

I've finally ovulated. Today morning in my ultrasound the follicle size had reduced to 16mm indicating ovulation. My lining has also reduced to 9.8mm and I am not sure if that is normal with ovulation. The nurse said that everything looks fine. I must have ovulated sometime yesterday evening as I had weird sharp pain in my pelvic area off and on. So now I am in my 2ww and trying hard to not worry about it already.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD29 - My confusing weekend story

So after my Friday ultrasound I was advised to test with OPK's till Sunday and come back on Monday for another ultrasound. Saturday evening my test line was as dark as the control line. It was not darker but still I wasnt sure if it meant a surge. When I called my clinic they asked me to come for an ultrasound on Sunday morning. I had to go to my clinic's main office 1hr away instead of the regular office (30min away) as the regular office is closed on weekends. Also the main office is open only between 7:30am and 9:30am on weekends and my appointment was at 9am, so we left at around 8am.

After the ultrasound I glanced at the screen and saw my dominant follicle size at 20.6mm and was feeling confident. When I came out to speak to the nurse she had a totally different measurement and confused me completely. She said that the follicle size was 18mm and that could mean that I ovulated and hence it is becoming smaller. She also told me that my lining was 8.5mm whereas on Friday it was 10.5mm. I was sure that there was a mistake and was feeling very frustrated. I was asked to continue tesing using OPK's and if I found a surge Sunday evening then go for an ultrasound on Tuesday else on Monday. Yesterday evening when I tested the test line was dark but not as dark as the control line so I went for an ultrasound this morning.

The ultrasound tech in my regular clinic is very friendly and tells me the results even before I meet the nurse. She said that my lining was at 12.4mm and my dominant follicle at 21mm.

Fri -> Uterine lining -> 10.5mm Follicle size -> 19mm
Sun -> Uterine lining -> 8.5mm Follicle size -> 18mm
Mon -> Uterine lining -> 12.4mm Follicle size -> 21mm

This clearly indicates that my Sunday scan was a big mistake as there is absolutely no way both my follicle and lining reduced in size and increased significantly by Monday. When I spoke to the nurse this morning after my ultrasound I told her about how confusing it is and she said that even she was surprised. But since she works for the same clinic she did not want to say that the other nurse and ultrasound tech were wrong, instead she said that with different people the measurements change. Anyway after all this she tested me for LH surge and it wasn't there, so she went ahead and gave me the HCG trigger shot (10,000 IU), which means that I will be ovulating between the next 24 to 48 hrs. I go back on Wednesday for another ultrasound to make sure that I ovulated.

Since my progesterone values were low last cycle my doc recommends taking 3 lower dose HCG booster shots during the luteal phase. These shots trick my body into believing that I am pregnant and so makes my corpus luteum produce more progesterone. For me it means that I will have all possible pregnancy symptoms during my 2ww and still should not have high hopes (as if that's gonna ever happen). So I go back on Thursday with my husband for the first booster shot and he gets to learn how to administer those. These are sub-cutaneous and given in the tummy. Then I get the second and third shots on Sunday (07/20) and Wednesday (07/23). I have my progesterone tests on Tuesday (07/22) and Friday (07/25). Finally by Tuesday (07/29) if I don't get a period then I test at home for pregnancy.

Unlike last cycle this cycle I have to go to the clinic for so many different things in the 2ww and I have friends visiting and staying with us this weekend and friends coming home for dinner next weekend. This would occupy my idle mind so that I will have less time to worry about my 2ww.
Wish me luck.

I have a few questions and would like to get the help of the IF community.

1. Is my uterine lining at 12.4mm too thick for implantation?
2. I got the trigger shot at 10am this morning, so when is the right time to bed with my husband?
3. Is there anyone out there who have done these HCG booster shots and can you let me know your experiences with it (regarding side effects and benefits)?

Friday, July 11, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD26 - Still not there yet

Today morning I went for another disappointing ultrasound. The dominant follicle on the left ovary measures only 19mm and they want it at least at 22mm before trigger. So I get to wait for a couple more days and go back on Monday for another ultrasound and possible trigger. The only good news was my lining was at 11.5mm. I am at CD26 and still ha vent ovulated this cycle. So I guess this will end up being a 45-50 day cycle and I am not hopeful at all. Since its taking forever for the follicle to grow we have decided not to go for IUI this cycle. I am doubting the quality of the egg and don't want to waste money on IUI this time. Next cycle will be with injectables so I am hoping to respond better and go for an IUI next cycle. So I am back in the waiting game.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD24

Its not good news and its not bad news either. Since I did not see a surge till yesterday I went for my ultrasound this morning. I have one 7 mm follicle on my right ovary and three 9mm follicles on the left and one 18mm dominant follicle on the left. I am glad that there is at least one dominant follicle but it is taking forever to grow and they want it to be at least 21mm before trigger. My uterus lining is at 8.5mm and they want it to be at least 8mm, so that is good. My doc has asked me to test with OPK's for the next 2 days and go back on Friday for another ultrasound and possible trigger. My favorite RN is off on Fridays and the other RN is not so friendly. She is not rude or anything but she never says a additional word. She just gives me the result and that's it. I guess I will have to adjust with her on Friday and hope things look promising by then.

I am not so confident about this cycle because of the really long follicular phase. Although its been 6 days since I stopped clomid I still have migraines and hot flashes. The insomnia is gone so I think slowly the remaining side effects will also stop. At least I know that this will be my last clomid cycle. Next cycle they would either make me try a different medicine or move to injectibles. Although with PCOS, injectible cycles have a higher risk of multiples but my doctor thinks that with close monitoring they should be able to control my follicle stimulation.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD22

I am back from my get together. We enjoyed the vacation and I had fun playing with the 1.5 yr old. I've figured out that I get hurt only seeing new Born's and pregnant women. Older kids are fine and the host who was pregnant was not flaunting her pregnancy. So it was a fun weekend except for the fact that I still have hot flashes. It takes at least 10days for the clomid to completely leave my system. Another side effect is vaginal dryness. I am not sure if this is going to affect my chances of getting pregnant at home. I still haven't surged which means I test today and tomorrow and if not surge I go back for an ultrasound on Wednesday. If my dryness does not improve then I might consider getting at least one IUI this cycle. So for now its just wait and see and I do have a lot of blog reading to do.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD18 - Follicle Update

Finally I get to stop my clomid. I still do not have big follicles but I have decent ones (3 at 11mm on the left ovary and 3 at 10, 8, 8mm on my right ovary). My doc thinks that I can stop the clomid and let the follicles grow on their own for a few days. She wants me to start using OPK's from Saturday although she feels that Monday is the earliest that I will ovulate. If I dont see a surge by Tuesday (Jul 8) I go back for an ultrasound and trigger shot. My uterus lining was also a bit thin (about 5mm) and the doc thinks that once I stop the clomid the lining might grow faster. I've decided to wait till my surge to make a decision about IUI.

We are driving today to a friends place 7hrs away, for the long weekend. Its a get together with some of my undergrad friends. The only troubling thing is that out of the two other couples one has a 1.5 yr old and the other (the one that's hosting) is 5 months pregnant. I am happy for both of them but still when I actually see them I am worried that it is going to remind me of what I so badly want to have but cant at this point. Infact both of them claimed that they were'nt trying so that just adds to my misery. We have a few more single friends coming too so I guess I'll try to hang out with them as much as possible and try to have some fun.

No matter what, in the back of my mind I am going to be thinking about my follicles and ovulation all the time. So wish me luck with my follicles and the get together.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD17 - IUI or NOT

Tomorrow I go back for my ultrasound to see if my follicles have grown enough. My doc wants them to be at least 15mm before I stop the clomid. Monday they were at 8mm so I am hoping that tomorrow would be the day. If they did grow enough then I get to stop the clomid and start using OPK's to see if I ovulate on my own. If not then I go back in 4 days and get the trigger shot. So the big question is should I go for an IUI this cycle or not. I am listing my reasons for both decisions and would like the help of the community to help me decide.

Reasons for NO IUI:
I was on the pill for 2 years before TTC and then I did not ovulate for a yr. My ovulation last cycle was the first in 3 years. So my doc thinks that it wont hurt for me to wait a couple more cycles as I've hardly had a chance to get pregnant on my own. Also they feel that I am young enough (28yrs) to wait for a few more cycles.
My insurance does not cover IUI so I have to pay for it from my own pocket and for all the tests after the IUI. My doctor's office recommends 2 IUI's in a cycle so my total cost including 2 IUI's and blood tests would be around $800 for this cycle.
I am not sure if the extended clomid treatment affects my lining and egg quality so I dont know if I should wait to do an IUI with an injectible cycle.

Reasons for IUI:
Since I did not ovulate on my own for the past one year, I never got a period on my own. So every month when I did not get my period I would hope that I was pregnant. The doctors would make me wait till cd40 to do a blood test so the time between cd30 to cd40 would be hell. I would POAS like an addict every two days. I also was not allowed to take my migraine meds during the second half of every cycle (cos what if I was pregnant) and so would have to suffer through terrible migraines. So even though I ovulated only last month and that is considered my first active trying cycle, I still went through a year of disappointments and false hopes, so I want to reach my pregnancy goal as soon as possible.
The second big reason would be that I do not respond to regular clomid treatment. Mine is an extended cycle which means I take clomid for 7 days and then go for blood tests and ultrasound every two days to determine if I have a big follicle and my estradiol is above 300. Only then I get to stop the clomid so last cycle it was 13days of clomid and this cycle its already been 15days. So I suffer with migraines, hot flashes and insomnia for a real long time every cycle in addition to the never ending ultrasounds and blood pricks. So I am hoping that if I do an IUI, I might at least avoid cervical mucus problems and give my body a better chance to get pregnant this cycle.
Please give me your suggestions and help me make the decision. The only other person I discuss this with is my husband and he is OK either ways.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD15 - My HSG story

Last Friday (CD 12) was very event full. I went to the clinic for my blood draw and ultrasound at 11:30am. This time my veins totally refused to co-operate. After 5 pricks and 3 different nurses, they were able to get enough blood for the estradiol measurement. Before I could sigh with relief I started feeling dizzy and I passed out. They made me sniff ammonium salts and I tried standing and passed out again. So I was instructed to rest for 30min and drink 2 glasses of apple juice. Finally I got better but I was already late for my HSG appointment at the hospital. So they wanted me to come back after the HSG for the ultrasound. I was not allowed to walk and hence my husband wheeled me out to the car and we left to the hospital.

We reached the hospital at 12:45pm and since I had already pre-registered on the phone I was all set for the procedure at 1:00pm. That was when I realised that, in all the blood draw drama I had forgotten to take pain killers for the procedure. It was too late and so I decided to go ahead without any pain killers (read not because I was too brave but I was still lightheaded and was not thinking straight). So I waited in my wheel chair till the nurse called out my name. Since I had passed out they decided to let my husband stay with me for the procedure. I was asked to undress from waist down and get on the examination table. The doctor walked in and told me that since I had already fainted for the day, I do not get to faint again. He explained the procedure to me and was very cheerful and I was feeling a bit relaxed. So first he inserted the speculum and then cleaned the cervix with some antiseptic solution. He gave me a shot in my cervix to numb it. This felt like a pin prick and then the catheter was inserted into the cervix. He asked me to move forward in the table to be directly under the x-ray machine. Finally he started to inject the dye. I felt minor cramps at this point but nothing more than a 2 on my pain scale. The dye flowed easily through my left tube and with some extra pressure it started spilling out beautifully from the right tube too. At this point I felt a sharp pain maybe a 4 on the pain scale but only for a second. Before I could feel relived the doctor told me that everything looked great but the uterus was a little narrow. He said that it could be some muscle pushing on it or a fibroid. Since I was going back to the clinic for my ultrasound he said that he would talk to the tech before the procedure so that she can check for fibroids. The whole procedure lasted 15min and was not pain full as I expected. Either I had a good pain tolerance level or my doctor was quiet skill full. Even after I came home I spotted only for a couple of hours but did not have any cramping.

So with a heavy heart and enough prayers I went back to the clinic. The ultrasound had both good news and bad. Before I talk about the news I have to say that it was very uncomfortable to have a transvaginal ultrasound after a HSG procedure. The good news was there were no fibroids and my uterus looked smooth and even. The bad news was there were no big follicles. So the nurse asked me to continue the clomid (150mg) for 3 more days and come back for blood test and ultrasound today.

So this morning I went to the clinic and I was quiet worried about the blood test. Usually I go alone for my appointments, but this time my husband insisted that he come with me as he did not want me to drive alone to work if I was feeling lightheaded again. Thankfully my veins were happy and I needed just one prick for the blood draw. The ultrasound revealed no big follicles. Bummer. So I get to continue the clomid for another couple of days and go back for US and blood test.

For the past 4 days I've been having terrible insomnia. I am just not able to sleep and because of this I get a migraine everyday and I feel very tired and depressed. My nurse tells me that the increased dosage of clomid could cause insomnia and they want to me take sleeping pills in the night. I am not comfortable taking more drugs cause I have so much already in my system so I am to going try some natural remedy like drinking warm milk and taking a shower before bed. I am hoping that the follicles start maturing soon and I get to stop the dread full clomid. My estradiol values 116 on cd10 and 191 on cd 12. Last cycle with clomid 100mg my estradiol value was 143 on cd10. I am not sure why my body is not responding as well as it did with a lower dose of clomid. I am still waiting to hear back today's estradiol value and then that will determine how many more days I take clomid.

On the whole it was an event full weekend and the part I dreaded the most was the easiest. So I am back to my hot flashes, migraines and sleeplessness.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD10

Blood Tests are usually not a big deal for most people but for some extra special people like me they are a HUGE deal. I have always needed more than one prick for a successful blood test so I was not surprised that nothing came out during the first prick this morning. Thankfully the second time was the charm. There have been times when I had to be pricked 4 times for a blood sample so being pricked twice was nothing. I feel sorry for nurses though, cos the nurse this morning was feeling miserable that she did not do it right. I kept telling her that its my vein that's not co-operating and not her.

Anyway I just got the call from my NP and she says that the Estradiol is at 116. Its better than what it was during my last clomid (100mg) cycle CD10 but not enough. So I continue clomid (150mg) for 2 more days and go back on Friday - CD12 for another blood test and ultrasound. I also have my big HSG appointment on Friday, so I get to go up on the stirrups twice that day. What fun. I am still dreading the HSG procedure. I have severe heart burn and so I usually try to avoid Ibuprofen. My doc tells me that Tylenol does not do the job so I want to know if taking vicodin has the same effect as taking 4, 200mg Ibuprofen tablets.

With the increased clomid dosage apart from the regular side effect of hot flashes and migraines, I am also having severe nausea. I hope that by Friday my Estradiol rises significantly and that I get to stop the clomid.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD8

Like always I am having terrible side effects with clomid. I get a migraine almost everyday accompanied by nausea and hot flashes. I wish these side effects become bearable with time. Last month I took clomid for 13 days but I am hoping with the increased dosage I wouldnt need it for that long. This is my mind speaking, dont know what my body has to say.

My husband has been terribly patient with all my mood swings. He even helps around the house a lot, as it is very difficult for me to function with these migraines. I am so grateful to have found him.

Since we havent told anyone about our IF struggle this blog helps me vent out my feelings and insecurites without being judged. There are things that I cant tell my husband at times but its easier for me to pen it down here. I guess this is a form of therapy for me. It honestly helps.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD4

So yesterday (cd3) was my baseline ultrasound. In typical PCOS fashion I had 11 follicles on the rt ovary and 28 (yes you read that right) on the lt ovary. The uterus looked good and so I was given the go ahead for clomid. I've started taking 150mg of clomid everyday till cd9 when I go back for bloodwork. Usually my migraines start after about 3 days of clomid so I guess I still have one more day to enjoy. I also got my HSG scheduled for next friday afternoon(cd12).

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD2 - The Plan

The nurse from the doctors office called me with the plan. I will get an ultrasound tomorrow (CD3) for a baseline. I take clomid 150mg CD3 thru CD9. I go for a blood test on June 25 (CD10) to check if my estrogen level has reached 300. Based on the estrogen level we proceed from there. I also need to go for a HSG on June 24. This might be an IUI cycle with progesterone shots during the 2ww.
I am not looking forward to starting clomid cause I get both hot flashes and migraines, but its worth it if this is gonna get me the baby that I so badly want. Apart from the clomid I am scared about the HSG procedure this cycle. The nurse has advised me to take 800mg of advil 20min before the procedure and has promised that it will be over in 20min. Lets just hope for the best.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Cycle 3 - CD1

So today I started bleeding. Even though it is depressing I am happy that I started bleeding on my own. This would be my first ovulation in 3 years. I have always needed prometrium to bring on a bleeding in the past. I am waiting to hear from my RE's office regarding the plan for the next cycle. Most likely it would be HSG, extended clomid, IUI and progesterone supplements.

Like in many households I am the one who does the research and surfing the net abt TTC all the time. My husband is more subdued but he patiently listens to my ramblings about findings everyday. Yesterday when I was telling him about how I think we should proceed he was just listening. I accused him of not taking part in the discussion and told him that once in a while it will be nice to hear him say "Yeah lets do this or that". He simply said "Everymonth its you who has to take these crazy medicines and suffer with the side effects. So anything you want is fine with me." I was so relieved to know that he did get me afterall. Even though he doesnt express it often he does feel bad for my hot flashes, mood swings and migraines. Since we havent told anyone about our IF struggle I so badly needed him to understand and I am so glad he does.

My first Post

I am not new the blogging world but fairly new to the TTC blogging world. I have been following a couple of TTC blogs for the past few months and decided to start my own to share my story with the world. I am hoping that this would help me vent out my feelings and frustrations and stay sane through this difficult period.

I've been TTC since March 2007. Because of PCOS I was annovulatory. I started Metformin 1500mg/day in September 2007 and it helped me loose about 8 lbs but did not help me with the ovulation.

January 2008, I had surgery to remove a big dermoid cyst from my right ovary. Thankfully my ob-gyn was able to save my ovary. Since it was an open surgery I was asked not to TTC and was in recovery for 2 months.

April 2008 we met with an RE. My cd3 FSH and EH came back normal and I took clomid - 100mg from cd5 thru cd9. My cd10 clomid challenge test FSH and EH level came back normal. Ultrasound on cd18 revealed no follicle growth.

May 2008, my RE recommended the extended clomid cycle where I take clomid continously and they monitor me with US and bloodword and stop clomid when the follicles have reached the desired size. I took clomid 100mg from cd 3 - cd 15. Ultasound on cd 16 revealed one 15mm follicle on the rt ovary and blood work revealed EH - 346. Stopped clomid and used OPK for 4 days. No LH surge was detected. Ultrasound on cd 21 revealed one 22mm follicle on the rt ovary. HCG - 10,000 unit trigger shot was administered. 8dpo progesterone test came back with a low progesterone value of 5. BFN on cd 35.